"Give in to him, he is younger!"
We strive to raise polite, obedient children who respect the older and inferior to the younger. And we also want them to win the Olympics, not to shade and be able to stand up for themselves. Marina Durneeva, a clinical psychologist and candidate of psychological sciences, explained on the air of Radio School why, without manifestations of healthy aggressiveness, a child misses an important stage of development.
https://pl-static.z-dn.net/files/d24/0cf278032a8e3409b17dc300e11479b6.pdf
The human child is the most vulnerable creature in the animal world, and at first its only way to interact with the environment is aggressive impulses. There is an interesting idea that the child develops the environment from the moment when the mother begins to breastfeed. First, the child eats calmly and gently, and then the stage occurs, which all mothers have encountered when he hurts while feeding and even fights. Most often this is due to the fact that he wants to eat more, but there is no more milk. Then he bites his mother, hoping that he will get more.
The baby reacts to the fact that the environment does not correspond to his desires. These are the first glimpses of healthy aggressiveness, and up to three years is the only way to contrast yourself with the world. That is, the child does not throw toys in order to cause you discomfort. This is his way of reclaiming space. If parents turn to a specialist for help, sometimes it’s enough to say in a telephone conversation that the child does not want to harm them when they throw a toy into their mom or dad. All that he does is to probe the verge of what is permitted, to establish the boundaries.
https://pl-static.z-dn.net/files/d35/25e3aafea36ba519334376698b25e500.pdf
We can say that aggression is a person’s reaction to the outside world, which is inherent in everyone in the same way as goodwill and responsiveness
The task of aggression is to defend borders; it will not work in another way. I am a practicing clinical psychologist and therefore like to watch the behavior of others. A very interesting place for this is the playground. It is fascinating to see how mothers allow or do not allow children to do anything. For example, there are some swings and two children rushing headlong towards them. None of them set as their goal to harm the other, the goal of each is to sit on a swing faster. What does mom do? When the elder runs up, she asks him to give in to the younger. Thus, it immediately suppresses the child’s natural impulse to explore the world, he does not find understanding, and his own action seems shameful to him.
Read also:
“I won the shovel, I had a fight with my mom”: how are the parental fights in the playgrounds
In this case, it is worth supporting the child - letting him sit on this swing, praise him for speed, but pay attention to the child younger, to his interests. And thanks to this attitude, the quality of active absorption improves. But here it is important to take into account the feelings of an adult: firstly, there is a fear of social condemnation, and secondly, for many parents it is simply difficult to defend the boundaries of their child.
https://pl-static.z-dn.net/files/dc2/741c56d3935d5239efc2f5071142fc9c.pdf
Previously, children played rogue Cossacks on the street and improved social communication skills. Natural gaming activities helped them to realize different emotions, stay in a competitive environment, compete for victory, win, overtake and so on.
Today we have the following paradox: children are raised polite, decent, calm, suppressing their natural aggression. But when such a child gets to school, he is immediately forced to compete: if you want to tell a poem, raise your hand. It was as if they were offering him to run to these swings in a race, but he already knows that they will have to give in.
Due to the violation of healthy aggression, the child becomes passive and closes from the outside world
Therefore, the main task of an adult is to be a structural link, to correct behavior, but not to impose his own attitudes on a child. Do not say, for example: "If you behave this way, show such emotions in relation to other children, they will not be friends with you." The child learns these rules, which in reality are rarely true, and goes aggressive and unsociable into this world.
https://pl-static.z-dn.net/files/d0b/e770b6f46fa87b2b4c775387af97ec45.pdf
The only way I see is to give home the opportunity to express and receive a variety of emotions. It is important for parents to show their child several options for responding to one situation. Thanks to this, he gets several models of how he can behave in society. He understands, for example, that there are people who cannot be opposed, they take their authority. Yes, it can make you angry, upset, but in the end, the child resigns. At the same time, he understands that he always has support from a loved one, he can share disappointment with his parents and they will listen to him.
And this is really the only formula for success - to encourage a healthy exploration of the world and stop the child’s attempts to aggressively influence the world, to harm him and himself. Moreover, he should have the opportunity to confront the world, stand for himself, for which healthy aggressiveness is responsible. If this step is skipped, then, as a rule, then the child no longer knows how to interact with these
No comments:
Post a Comment