Motives for children's behavior are not always understood by adults. A child who was happy to go to kindergarten, for no reason refuses to go there. What could happen? We deal with psychologists - Marina Bykova and Alexandra Priemskikh.
Question. Hi, Chalk! My daughter always went to kindergarten with pleasure, was delighted with the teacher. I was upset, missed a day or two. And recently in the morning I woke up and flatly refused to go there. Not to force it. We talked with the teacher, she said that there were no conflicts. What to do? Why could this happen? What to say to daughter?
Marina Bykova, psychologist:
In the life of a person, child or adult, nothing happens just like that. All desires and anxieties have their cause, even if it is not obvious or illogical to others. In a preschool child, logic is clearly based on causal relationships. That is why children can make funny judgments for adults: “Trees pump air, and the wind turns out” or “All toys must sit on the same couch, otherwise they will be offended.” What does an adult do when he hears such a conclusion? He tries to gradually dispel it, explains the true nature of things. So in this case: it is important to understand the reason for the child’s reluctance to go to the garden in order to work with her then.
Unfortunately, the question does not indicate the age of the child and other circumstances, but the following reasons can be assumed:
https://hi-static.z-dn.net/files/d28/1c92df90837628cd7eaa565c9bf12e6b.pdf
1. “I do not need” parents. The child just recently went to the garden. His logic: “I don’t see my mother and I can’t approach her at any moment - she leaves me with strangers - she doesn’t love me anymore.” It is better to send the child to a huge alien world gradually, the first time to pick up early, to give a lot of familiar household things, to be interested in what he did during the day. The logic is changing: "Mom is not near, but she is with me, in the form of my typewriter or doll, she is waiting for me, she needs me."
2. Conflict in the group. The child has a conflict in the group or with the teacher. His logic: "Another boy hit me - it hurts me - he’s ugly - all the boys are ugly" or "The teacher said that I did something wrong - I'm wrong - I'm bad."
In preschool age, one careless word spreads to the whole world, since the child still does not know how to separate constructive remarks from his personality.
https://hi-static.z-dn.net/files/d27/e73252420e04f7db60a16cde26ba1ef1.pdf
In most cases, the “offender” did not even notice that he accidentally hit the child or said something in a sharper tone
It is worth gradually, through games, to explain to him that everyone is mistaken and that one mistake does not immediately affect his whole life. New logic - “I got my clothes dirty, the teacher took me to the sink, but I'm not bad, I'm just dirty, this can be solved.”
3. Fears and external circumstances. The child is frightened by some external circumstances. There can be any number of such reasons: a woman in the dining room looks like Baba Yaga, a big scary dog lives on the way to the garden, a girl from the group teases for freckles. With age, these reasons change - it is difficult to assume what exactly frightened the child. Logic "I am afraid I will not cope with this world." Here, as in all previous situations, it is important, without ridicule, in the form of a game, to overcome fear - to turn a large dog from a dragon into a good friend of a dog. Logic "The world is in my hands, I control it, and my mother is nearby."
https://hi-static.z-dn.net/files/d6b/a3066f8dc2130b814a4cbb0de87e5e73.pdf
Read also:
What parents should tell their child about emotions and their ability to manage them
All these and many other reasons why a child refuses to go to kindergarten can and should be found out. The game gives even young children a huge field for imagination. At first, everything new may seem big and scary, but with the help of parents and good intentions for peace, you can always turn this into a good fairy tale.
Alexandra Priemskikh, psychologist:
The first thing you should pay attention to in understanding the reasons for the refusal is whether there really was a conflict? Often adults, even educators and teachers, do not notice a conflict situation, devaluing children's difficulties and feelings.
https://hi-static.z-dn.net/files/d81/07d874bb6b5aa16d1419e60d9d2b4a23.pdf
Perhaps she ceased to be the favorite of the teacher, fell ill or had an argument with her friend; perhaps someone began to offend. This begs the question: if a child is over five years old and has been attending kindergarten for more than a year (that is, he has managed to adapt), why doesn’t he talk about the reasons for the refusal to his parents? Why does not trust them?
Perhaps there is a discord in the family (many parents think that the preschooler does not realize this) or a child was born? If you can’t reach out to either the teachers or parents, you should contact a child psychologist. Not knowing the reasons for the behavior, it makes no sense to explain something to the child. He needs support. Is always. He must feel that adults understand him and are able to help.
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