“Mom’s son” is not an insult. 5 reasons why a gentle boy is good

Well this is a boy! ” - we say when the child fights or puts buttons on the teacher’s chair. However, once he puts a tear under the sad track of Lana Del Rey, the adults begin to get nervous: is our guy too tender? But it seems that in 2020 a bully with a wooden machine gun is not an inevitable portrait of a boy. Little by little, we understand that crying and loving a pony is normal for any gender.

Recently I went to the Museum of the blockade with the class in which my son is studying. I was very worried. My child has a hard history of pain and death. Even if we watch a stupid movie and smells like a fight, he prefers to leave the room and put on his headphones so that he does not hear groans or curses. He also carries a plush kitten to school.
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I'm trying to delve into the memory. If a boy, a high school student, brought a toy cat to my yard school, he would be laughed at. If he came in the hood with the ears of a Pokemon, the first bandwagon would have been put to him already in the locker room. But I look at the fifth graders in the museum: they don’t put the steps. Every second hides a cute toy with bulging eyes in a backpack. They say that someone is “upset” there. They chat pink unicorns because it's cute. And for some reason it’s very disturbing for them. After all, there is a world around which may not understand them.

We still say here: “You're a boy, stop crying!” We forbid them to express any emotions other than aggression. To whimper, to complain, to be sad is not comme il faut. We expect them to have a stern expression on their face when faced with trials. This is for them, boys, and then become a stone wall or a tough nut in an all-metal shell.
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We print tanks and planes on postcards and give them to children on February 23. We rub three-year-old rubbish about the fact that "you need to be able to fend for yourself." Yes, already in three years

And then, as if in disbelief, we shrug our hands, getting acquainted with the statistics of domestic violence, the number of depressive episodes, mental disorders and suicides among men in Russia.

On the other hand, if you get rid of vague anxiety, the further you go, the “weirder and weirder” you insist on a certain boyish image formed at the time when soldiers were raised from boys and obedient wives from girls. It is obvious that today a flexible and subtly sensitive child who is not constrained by the clumsy armor of other people's ideas about masculinity will receive more benefits. The benefits would be, for example.

1. He suffers less

Harvard University researcher William Pollock in his book “Real Boys” describes the serious problems faced by sons growing up in the traditional male paradigm.
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One of them is an early and rather harsh separation. It first happens at the age of 2–4 years, when the child is separated from the mother. Remember how you bring a three-year-old to a kindergarten and, if he especially clings to a parent, you will immediately remember his gender. A girl sticking to her mother with kisses is not at all the same as “sissy”.

Another stage of separation, according to Pollock, happens in adolescence, although by this time children usually themselves understand that Mom’s company somehow harms the boy’s image. The need to become independent before a person has matured for her can be traumatic.
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2. He behaves better

Scientific research gradually comes to the conclusion that boys are especially prone to bad behavior, but not because they are somehow formed differently, but because we are raising them in a certain way. If we talk about education, boys are twice as likely as girls to be declared "incapable of learning." They make up 67% of our classes for those who are lagging behind, and in some school systems they are ten times more likely than girls to be diagnosed with serious emotional disorders, especially ADHD.

Read also:
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Why do boys no longer need to defeat dragons
Researchers see one of the reasons that boys are more often denied parental affection. It is known that children with strong affection use their parents as a reliable rear, a place for emotional repair and comfort before setting off to explore the world and fill up bumps. However, if parents perceive girls' tantrums more likely as the norm, then the boy who needs to wipe away tears is usually upset and even ashamed. The boys, they say, do not cry, but beat with a fist against the wall.

3. He can be himself

An amazing fact is given in the book: from birth and during the first months of life, infant boys are more openly expressing emotions than infant girls. By the very early school age, the situation is obviously changing and the boys are losing this skill: they are not so willing to show pain, frustration and confusion.